Today started good

Today will mark my first entry. Today started good you know I talked to my favorite person Sam. I got to see her today and we hung for a while and got onto the subject of her not understanding my not understanding her. I told her I didn't want to explain because like always it would lead to a fight. Well it did of course but I made my very valid points clear to her and her to me and it was shit. She has done alot to me in the past, and still I stick around because I love her, and Id do anything for her. Well she once told me that terry her ex was the only thing keeping us apart and then he leaves and now she wants to date some other guy after telling me shes in love with me and that our breaking up was her biggest mistake. Nice burn. You know Im not even the least bit mad about that. Anymore. It was when she calls me back to sunman from Lawrenceburg and waits till my friends leave to ask me to judge the guy as if things were kool and everything was peachy. WHAT! I felt as if a pedestal had been built beneath me only to be kicked out once the noose was secured. I hate her somtimes. I hate even more that she persists on telling me that hes such a nice guy and blah blah blah as if I care. Ooh Im so jealous it hurts. I hunger for him to do somthing dumb to give me a reason to kick him in the face. Id do it anyway but it makes me look like the asshole. Not gonna happen! I ache for her happiness but it seems like she keeps doing stupid things that prevent it. I have done so much for her and all I got tonight after our talk was shit on. Then she has a panic attack and I rush off in the middle of the night in the rain with swollen testicles (her fault) to make sure shes ok. Not too mention I got shot at by stupid peckerfaces with BB guns. I could only think your so lucky I have to make sure shes ok otherwise Id go get my learning stick and bash thier faces to a bloody mass of unrecognizable pieces and keep all the teeth to make me jewlry. Faggots. Anywho I get there and want to talk to her to make sure shes ok but shes so immersed in her stupid new "freind" that she rushes me home to get back on the phone with him. That hurts. I just wish she would open her eyes and realize that the best thing shes ever had is sitting here in the rain crying my eyes out screaming at the top of my lungs trying to make her understand that I love her and would do anything to make her happy. She wants me to be her best friend though. Thats so terribly hard. I want to but we keep having sex and acting like more then just friends although she loves to rub it in my face that were not. I hate Brandon. Dickhead. Anyway, I will end this with Sam I know your gonna read this eventually and know im just pissed and ranting. Don't take it personal. I haven't slept in days, nor eaten. I can't my head is soo fucked. I hate women somtimes. Sam I love you and I will always be here but you need to understand Im dying here alone. I just wish you would see what you mean to me and know that together we'd be alright. Whatever Im done bitching for tonight.